Unexpected Advice
by Kristen3
Summary: Mary doesn't know quite what to think when Sue Ann shows up at her apartment unannounced. Could the Happy Homemaker be thinking of changing her methods with men? One-shot. Rating is for obvious mature themes.


**Author's Note:** This idea came out of watching "Happy Homemaker Takes Lou Home," and thinking about Mary and Sue Ann's relationship. If Sue Ann could've stopped making fun of her for a minute, I think she could've learned something from Mary. I decided to explore that, and this resulted. It's my first attempt at writing Sue Ann, so I hope I've got her in-character! *hides* Reviews are appreciated. :)

Mary couldn't help sighing when she opened her door and saw Sue Ann standing there. A visit from the Happy Homemaker never meant good news. "What do you want?"

"Mary, dear, don't look at me like that. I just came to ask you one simple question."

"All right, Sue Ann, what is it?" Reluctantly, she allowed Sue Ann to enter. She silently prayed this would be a quick visit.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Mary braced herself for the inevitable insult. She'd been down this road too many times to not know where it was leading.

"You know...with men. They _like_ you." Sue Ann made a face, as if she could not figure out what a man could possibly see in Mary.

Once again, Mary sighed. She still wasn't entirely sure this wasn't a joke of Sue Ann's. Making fun of Mary's life seemed to be a hobby of hers. "You really want advice about men from _me_? Is this some kind of plot to get Mr. Grant's attention? Because, if it is, I'm not getting involved. Whatever happens between you and him is totally up to you."

"Of course not, Mary. If I _really_ used my feminine charms on him, I could get him into bed in a second. I'm talking about men in general. Even Murray lights up whenever he sees you. And with that bald head of his, it's practically blinding!" Sue Ann smiled, pleased with her own cleverness.

"All right, Sue Ann, if you're serious. But there really isn't any secret to it. All I do is be myself. I let a man get to know me, and I get to know him. Once you build a foundation with someone, _then_ the other part comes."

"You mean dating...with no sex?" Sue Ann laughed. "Mary, I'm not sure you understand how this dating thing is supposed to work."

"Do you want my advice or don't you?" Annoyance was evident in Mary's tone.

"You mean that's it? Just no sex?"

"Yes. I mean, sex is wonderful, don't get me wrong. But there's more to being in a relationship than that. There has to be, or what good is it?"

Deep down, Sue Ann knew there was some truth to what Mary said. It was why Mary had steady boyfriends, men who wanted to marry her. But Sue Ann could barely get a man to go out with her a second time. "I don't know if I can do that, Mary. I mean, what do I really have to offer someone?"

Mary never pictured herself having to give a list of Sue Ann's good qualities. It wasn't exactly easy. "Well, you're a very...warm person. And you're very good at your job. You've been the Happy Homemaker for ten years now. That's got to count for something, right?"

"Well, of course I know all about home décor and fine dining. That's certainly true. But what man is going to care about that?"

That was another question Mary found difficult to answer. "I'm sure there's someone. It isn't easy to find a good man. Everyone gets a little lonely now and then. But that's no reason to give up."

"That's easy for you to say, Mary. I'm not like you; I don't know how to just carry on after one bad date after another."

Mary chose to overlook the implied insult. "You already know how to get someone's attention. All you have to do is keep it long enough to build something with a man. Do you ever _talk_ to your dates?"

Sue Ann had to admit that, no, conversation was never a big part of her dating plan. She was used to cutting to the chase. "No," she said reluctantly.

"Well, then, there you go. Next time you're out with a man, get to know him a little. Who knows, you might find out you like each other."

"Do you really believe all this?" Sue Ann asked. Mary made everything sound so easy.

"Yes. I know I haven't found my Mr. Right yet, but that doesn't mean he's not out there."

"Well, then, thank you for your time, Mary." Sue Ann couldn't think what else to say. She knew there was no way of getting past Mary's seemingly endless optimism.

Mary sensed that Sue Ann was less than convinced. "I know we've never really been friends, but I do know what you're going through. At least some of it, anyway. If you ever want to talk, I'm here."

Despite their differences, Sue Ann had to give Mary a measure of respect. Ever since they'd known each other, Sue Ann done nothing but make jokes at Mary's expense. And yet, here Mary was, offering her kindness and friendship. Perhaps that was the reason people liked her so much. Sue Ann knew that she could never be like that. But somehow, this conversation had given Sue Ann something she hadn't thought possible: hope. After another quick "thank you" to Mary, Sue Ann finally left. She wasn't sure if the advice would work, but it had to be worth a try.

 **The End**


End file.
